Three Causes of Male Impotency: Advice War (Part 1)
I can’t help but call out and criticize bad advice from the professional community, when I see it, especially when it costed an individual $300 to receive it (his published rates). This advice comes from Coach Wayne, a Coaching Superstar. I want to make it clear that I am a relentless student of Economics and the principle of subjectively valued goods and services. That said – get what you paid for. It is critical in any economy that the consumer is well informed about their purchases and alternatives.
Wayne was approached with this email from Jessica(excerpted)
“I recently met a guy who I really like, and this rarely happens. We met on a night out, and I sensed we had a connection instantly, like I’d known him for years. He ended up staying with me. We talked all night, with some interludes of kissing, fondling, etc. He didn’t get a hard-on at all, which surprised me, as he seemed really into me.”(1)(emphasis mine)
To that Wayne replied,
“There are three main reasons why a man becomes impotent and unable to perform sexually in the bedroom. When “The General” or “The Pork Sword” does not stand at attention, it’s usually because, 1) the guy is nervous and has performance anxiety, because he is tense instead of being relaxed, 2) he’s simply not turned on sexually, or 3) he has a medical condition usually related to inadequate blood supply to his lower unit. Causes 1 and 2 can be taken care of by the woman making the man feel comfortable, getting him to relax and having him focus on allowing and letting the sensations happen to him, instead of trying to force a boner. For a man, getting an erection is all about proper blood flow to his flesh rocket by allowing, relaxing, letting sensations happen to him, and practicing infinite patience to let an erection and sexual eruption happen slowly over time. Cause 3 needs to be addressed by a medical professional.”(1)(emphasis mine)
“You can help him relax by learning how to give him a fantastic blow job. “ (1) (emphasis mine)
In part 2, I will delve into great detail about how male erections fail in the topic of Sexual Performance Anxiety.
Bedroom problems can cripple a relationship, especially if they are mishandled. Whether a man is suffering from Sexual Performance Anxiety or medically induced impotence. Viagra only works by relaxing the muscle cells in the male genitals. It is analogous to eliminating all of the vehicles on a highway, allowing safe and quick transportation. It doesn’t actually put the blood in there or maintain it. There is an incredible problem with male sexual performance, as it is a double-edged sword. Either cause of impotence will, typically, result in performance anxiety – which makes ED medicine of limited benefit. A man’s sexual prowess is critical for his confidence and management of anxiety.
A man that suffers from performance anxiety will fear, to a varying degree, physical contact with a woman. In cases of less severity, he may be fine with kissing and fondling, but have a fight-or-flight stress response when sexual activity begins. What that means is that he will often demand his genitals to comply with his need of an erection, unknowingly dooming him to fail. This cycle could lead a man to fear kissing and fondling altogether. In his mind, when a woman kisses him, he is fearing that it will lead to sexual activity, which adds a tremendous amount of pressure.
Didn’t Wayne kind of say this? No.
When a man feels fear, an erection is not possible. Oral sex cannot calm the man down and allow blood to engorge the genitals. More often than not, he will be silently screaming at his genitals to comply with an erection. There is only the illusion of control over erections, as men and women typically see a stroked penis turn into an erect one. The physical contact or mental stimulation of sexual desire is only hitting a button that exists in a stress and anxiety free environment. When experiencing the stress response, there is no button, and no possibility of an erection. The same hormones that help you fight or run from a bear eliminate any ability to have an erection. Cortisol and Norepinephrine eliminate blood flow to less than necessary areas and simultaneously reduce sexual drive (2). As you may imagine, the stress response was meant to help humans survive in life-threatening moments when additional focus, alertness, and quick (instinctual/primal) response is necessary. ( I discuss this to an extent in my Ebook.) We are now experiencing the remnants of our hunter-gatherer days, but the stress response now takes a toll on individuals sexually or in chronic anxiety disorders (for non bear-related activities)
What you (or your man) do is what you do when there is no stress and anxiety. To have an enjoyable sexual experience, you focus on the connectedness from man-woman or man-man. The reason for much of male impotence is also the reason for an utter lack of female arousal in relationships. It is very typical for a man to force the sexual encounter, instead of allowing it to happen by fostering the romantic environment. Sex should not feel like pressure on a man or a woman. It should be the cherry on top of a fantastic dessert. The same mindset that will cure or prevent sexual performance anxiety will also engender incredible sexual chemistry in a relationship.
For women that have men that are affected by impotence, it is imperative to eliminate any pressure, perceived or otherwise. He has to feel safe and not judged by his sexual failures. The most important thing you can do is to act like it is no problem at all. Whether he is panicking or is generally fearful, you are to show him that it is of little concern. Imagine you are completely shocked that he would be experiencing fear because his genitals failed to get hard. The worst thing you could do is take it personally, which will only multiply the pressure to perform he already feels. A romantic moment does not need to end with sexual intercourse for it to be enjoyed by both parties. In that mindset, you will co-create a sexual atmosphere. Sex happens when partners don’t have it as the target or main goal.
Sexual performance anxiety is lying in the wait, waiting to strike on the emotionally unprepared individual with misdirected focus and efforts. Just as you don’t wait to buy a spare tire for your vehicle when you have a flat, you don’t wait until a problem strikes. Be proactive and bolster your emotions, whether in a relationship or not.
See you in several days for part 2
Thanks for reading,