Sexual Performance Anxiety – What They Don’t Tell You
It is safe to say that we don’t receive an adequate education on sexual matters in elementary school, or even in the average college experience. It would be safe to say that less than 1% of the population understand how an erection actually occurs, with fewer understanding it from an emotional standpoint. Needless to say, there are many elements to life and sex that we are left unprepared for. Sexual Performance Anxiety is one such experience.
Sexual Performance Anxiety is not its own sexual dysfunction but rather is considered a factor of erectile dysfunction. What is interesting about SPA is that it tends to strike younger males, and erectile problems are striking that portion of the male population more now as we are more addicted to technology and internet pornography. Even though the scientific understanding is growing by leaps and bounds, the population’s Emotional Intelligence competencies are diminishing.
What I find most interesting about SPA is that it is a problem that seems to be destined to happen to those of us that are unprepared. There are certain absolutes in one’s sexual life, such as the following:
- An erection will be lost, sometimes rapidly;
- An erection will be unachievable;
- An erection will be lacking full hardness;
- Ejaculation may not come or may come rapidly;
- The arousal process may not come about.
The average stud finds the sexual experience effortless. They want sex and when it is available, they have no problem getting from flaccid to ejaculation. It is interesting because there was never any attention paid to the process of arousal. There wasn’t any attention paid to what all is going on in the mind, the heart, and in the penis. But things start to change as one ages or there might be a circumstance that presents the man with the above list of events.
The unprepared male is then left completely hurt and confused, not realizing how they were so successful for so many years. All of a sudden, they can do nothing to get aroused or stay aroused. Some men stare at their penis and demand it to perform as once prevailed. Once attention is brought to the penis and it doesn’t respond, anxiety often sets in. What is happening here is a bit of a panic, as a male’s world comes crashing down.
The man is faced with a quandary, does he try to relax and allow things to happen or does he try to make them happen. The man with SPA will fear doing nothing, assuming that there is something inherently wrong. If he does nothing, then the arousal/erection process may not come, leaving his partner dissatisfied and his manhood questioned. He often goes to absurd efforts to “fix” the problem, sometimes by using testosterone pills, pornography, masturbation, or even an affair partner. If he can just get his erection back, then all will be well. It is almost as if he needs to pass a test and this will rid his anxiety.
The most important thing that you can get from this article is the fact that the male with SPA does not think like a normal male. Males with SPA respond different to traditional stimuli than the unaffected male. Their partners are very often under the same misunderstandings of how male sexual organs operate, making the problem dependent upon relational factors as well. Unfortunately, SPA isn’t as easy as having the male and his partner agree to “the reality”. Sex has to be retrained to the couple, making it pleasurable and enjoyable again. The SPA male feels nothing but pressure, something that is an erection killer.
The real takeaway from this article is to enforce the notion that sex should only occur for a mutually enjoyable experience. There are other options if one partner does not feel sexual arousal. There is no pressure to perform and definitely no requirement for an erection to occur under any situation.