Conditional Happiness vs. Unconditional Happiness
A dominant reason that The Fire of Knowledge was created was because the conventional wisdom is not just wrong, but laughably wrong. The convention can work at times, but what is the point of life and living if we cannot find a way to be happy despite the challenges we face. That ability shows true resilience and ability to face adversity. The conventional wisdom is that we can “make” others feel happiness or sadness. See the lyrics to this American classic, You Are My Sunshine:
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away
This is so ingrained in our psyche that it is a significant source of marital stress. How often have you heard your significant other say, “You make me angry?” The words are seemingly harmless, as the population is in unanimous agreement with this concept. If you look at the lyrics of this classic song, can you identify the problem with this logic?
If you can tell, the singer is divorcing him or herself from emotional responsibility, that is, they are placing the burden on someone else for their happiness or sadness. It is well and good when the relationship is in a happy place, but what about when there is a conflict? It feels great when we hear that we are making others happy, but the inverse when we hear that we are responsible for their misery, especially when we are giving genuine effort. When the angry person is blaming their partner for their misery, they are putting the onus on someone else; someone who can do nothing except meet someone’s pre-existing Agreements, Associations, and Commitments (the AAC Chain).
Usage of that language only strengthens and guarantees further misery on the part of that individual. In addition, the person is (knowingly or not) exerting manipulation, control and coercion on their partner. It is for that reason that individuals are strongly advised to use language that follows their intentions. If they desire no ability to control their emotions and no ability to find happiness, then they will use this type of language. It can be a significant challenge as it is embedded in our subconscious mind. This understanding is first used as a compliment and then used to control and manipulate others. We get ourselves into trouble when we use this language for compliments. It is at these times that the idea is comforting and easily seeds itself, spreading into the depths of the mind.
I know what you are thinking, already. Others have an expectation that we follow in the usage of this language. A partner may say, “You make me happy,” and you will feel obliged to follow in suit. Going against their insistence of using this language can be seen as “making” them upset. I advise abandoning the usage of this language, even though it can be uncomfortable and go against the expectations of others. What you are doing is not making them happy or unhappy, but meeting their expectations. Further, by the abandonment of this language, you are investing in an incredibly powerful future, one that lets yourself and others actively choose how they want to feel. Instead of burdening yourself or others for their happiness, they can hit their happy buttons. Many insist that my advice is cold and emotionless, when, in fact, it is the opposite. We go from control, manipulation and irresponsibility to responsibility and unconditional happiness.
Step 1: Analyze your usage of language and notice how your Agreements give away your emotional control to others.
Step 2: Begin using your use of language to guide your intentions and destiny. If you never Agree, then you can never have an AAC Chain that your subconscious mind will play havoc on your emotions with.