An Image of True Love
Throughout one’s life, the thought can arise periodically that ponders the nature of true love.
“Will I ever find my one and only someone?”
“Why am I stuck in this lackluster relationship with someone that seems not to love me back?”
“Does true love even exist?”
Many of us get ourselves into relationships and settle because it isn’t bad enough to muster enough desire or need to leave. Many of us fail to grasp the power of true love because of having constantly met people that we weren’t very compatible with. It can make things seem less optimistic for what a relationship can offer each partner, possibly making future dating efforts less successful.
If we don’t have a clear grasp as to the potential that awaits us if we find a truly compatible partner, it might set our sights low as to what is accepted or looked for in a partner. Those don’t settle for mediocrity will find themselves seeing through the illusion of love and end up moving on, only to find someone else not something else, resulting in a repeated pattern.
I write this article not to dwell on the unfortunate nature of life and love but to offer hope for those that may not believe in it anymore. No matter how much I have invested in my personal development and in my understanding of Psychology, there are women out there that I am not suitable for. Whether I may bore them, ignore them, share their main vision of life and love, an incompatible partner could mean that I could be a lackluster partner. As humans, we tend to be very generous to ourselves while not lending the same credibility to others. It is a well-understood cognitive schema well-exposed when studying ‘critical thinking’.
The danger of this thinking is to excuse ourselves of bad behavior and a lack of positive externalized actions of love towards our romantic partner. As such, the lackluster relationship is blamed on one’s partner instead of ourselves or incompatibility. The easiest way to think about it is in terms of respect; if you respect your partner, you wish them well and also lend them your heart. Far too much is spoken of about ‘love’. It is far too over-used a word and many of us have misidentified our feelings as a result.
I have pondered the nature of this subject for some time now, especially as of late. I see so many unfulfilling and/or abusive relationships out there. I can even look to my past for more evidence to ponder. It really wasn’t until I came across a questionnaire that things were easier to put into words. As a result of this article, you should have a much better grasp of what love really is. It isn’t an idea. It isn’t something that you do. There are aspects of love that are out of our control. What remains is a feeling.
Is it love?
Trust – Can you count on this person to support you? This doesn’t mean that you allow this person the opportunity to choose to support you or not. If it is true love, you are at ease knowing they are there for you.
The one – Do you feel like things can’t get any better? True love is found when you find yourself not looking elsewhere or wishing your partner would be better or different.
Sharing – Do you share your inner world with this person? Intimacy isn’t defined as sexual relations. Intimacy is emotional closeness, something only capable of being fostered if partners open themselves to each other. No sharing, no caring.
Calm – Does your partner have your back when you are mad at them? This is probably the biggest area of contention and certainly the main focus of my book, The Fire of Knowledge. When we become upset, we often forget about other people’s hurt feelings, instead feeling the need to hurt them, either to equalize the pain or to maximize the use of the victim card. When we identify as the victim, we allow ourselves all the room in the world to be evil while not having much (if any) guilt about it. Why do fights exist in relationships? Well, your partner doesn’t always appreciate the excused evil and they might not agree with the victim identity, either. The good news is that an ideal partner is likely one that cares more about the relationship than joining the fray and fighting back. It is well-known that fights are, at best, counter-productive. Any ‘good points’ made during the fight are easily disregarded. The true partner understands this and is more focused on staying calm and getting you to that point as well so that a civilized discussion may take place if desired.
Fear/Safety – I hate to break it to you but if you are in fear of your romantic partner, it isn’t love. This can be fear of physical or emotional harm. You shouldn’t have to carefully tip-toe around your partner to maintain peace and calm. Your true love sees you for who you are and understands where you are coming from. When you misspeak or make a mistake, you are given the room to say oops or apologize.
A lot of these items boil down to respect, whether it is from you to your partner or the inverse. It is a feeling that you can’t force. It isn’t akin to ‘being polite’, either. True love comes natural when with the right person.